The Chatner

He is in the kitchen, and I am in the kitchen, but Im standing behind himFive In MorningFridge door is openHe has finished drinking water and doesnt know what to do next Open in app or onlineWhy is Mr.Daniel LaveryMar 28SaveListenPreviously in Mr.Wilson coverage: He carries a monastery with him; the

One of the many very fun elements of the very fun television program Succession is the endlessly-generative exchange between Tom and Greg.The above example is, I think, about as good as fake Succession dialogue gets, while also managing to express the basic formula, whereby Greg opens with one of th

"Jam from young pine cones will quickly restore strength, support immunity, replenish your body with valuable vitamins and micro-elements.Open in app or online"The pine cone preserves jar is always entirely filled with cones, unlike our competitors": Six of the Most Expensive Jams I Could FindDaniel

third dog Open in app or onlineQuestions People Have Had For Me Now That A Third Dog Is Herethird dog Daniel LaveryMar 21SaveListenPreviously in this series: Why you should consider second dog.Things older Italian men in my neighborhood have said to me about my dogs.Things kids have said to me about

Ive recently been expanding my Marjorie Hillis collection having mistakenly believed for years that shed only written Live Alone and Like It and Orchids On Your Budget, its been a delight to pick up You Can Start All Over (a guide for plucky widows), Open in app or online"Every woman is interesting

Previously in reverse plots coverage: City Slickers is a reverse Cain and Abel and The Talented Mr.Ripley is a reverse A Room With a View.Algernon Blackwoods The Willows is a weird fiction novella from 1907 that did a great deal for the unsettling trees genre Open in app or onlineThe British River-D

Perhaps you are already familiar with the documentary series Chefs Table.Ive caught the errant episode here and there without ever feeling especially drawn in.The individual shots are all lovely, and everybody featured is drenched in perfect late afternoon sunlight, but for all that its left me feel

Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein describe in The Final Days Richard Nixons reaction to his loss of power: Between sobs, Nixon was plaintive.How had a simple burglary done all this.(He) got down on his knees.leaned over and struck his fist on the carpet, crying aloud, What have I done.Open in app or o

Another successful find from my recent trip to Freebird Books has been an early edition of Lewis E.Lawes 1932 memoir, 20,000 Years in Sing Sing.I cant get enough of that chummy, let me give it to you straight, folks style from autobiographies of the twenties and thirties.Those two decades are my fav

This weekend I unexpectedly stumbled onto Freebird Books on a walk along the Red Hook waterfront.Inside I came across a copy of Valentines City of New York Guide Book, an old illustrated manual that the citys Common Council originally published annually throughout the mid-1800s, then later revived b

May Queen: Always capers at the front of the parade by herself Almost no bounty to share, unless you count wreaths and flower crowns Hope you like weaving garlands because sister thats about all shes good for Maybe a bonfire if youre lucky Its unlucky for her to carry anything herself, and youd bett

Most of the books Ive read in the last year or so have been entirely new to me.Id guess roughly 90% were the result of an offhand comment from someone on Twitter, more often than not someone I didnt know or even follow, casually unlocking a new-to-me and seemingly designed-for-me imprint, subgenre,

I want to be right all of the time; in my natural condition and given the option, I would choose the warm satisfaction of self-righteousness over happiness ninety-nine times out of a hundred.I recognize this impulse is at best maladaptive and have the necessary system of pulleys and emotional riggin

Original (The great frost.cold doings in London, except it be at the lotterie.With newes out of the country.A familiar talk betwene a country-man and a citizen touching this terrible frost and the great lotterie, and the effects of them.the description of the Thames frozen over.) Open in app or onli

I am an excellent vizier.I do not say this to boast; my excellence is not my own, nor am I exclusively responsible for its manufacture.My excellence is wholly (although not merely) representative of the excellence of my king, begotten rather than Open in app or onlineFrom One Vizier To Another: If Y

A simple request, from a simple man; one I believe is eminently achievable with one or two minor adjustments.I dont call for a major overhaul of society, or for a lot of hard work from anyone (Not that Im afraid of a little hard work, so long as its really just a little and I can be sure of a hot me

Previously in Cain and Abel coverage: If Cain asks me to go anywhere with him, I wont ask questions.Ill just hold his hand and go.The story of Cain and Abel is the story of the first murder, of the early rupture between settled farmers and nomadic pastoralists, establishes the Old Testament motif of

The Chatner is a reader-supported publication.To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Dennis is now sandwiched between Raquel and Mercury, the three of them dry-humping their way to every man's glory.Open in app or onlineThe Twenty-Three Best Non-Dialogu

I have a new short story out this month, Remittance Man, in a strange fiction anthology called Mooncalves, courtesy of NO Press, which is run by my old pal John Thompson.It also features stories by Sasha Geffen, Brian Evenson, Ernest gnym, and Chelsea Sutton.You can Open in app or onlineRemittance M

As the name suggests, an open-plan house flows from space to space with minimal barriers between the living areas or no barriers at all[previously] public and private spaces in houses were divided up and closed offWith central heating from steam radiators, rooms were no longer dependent on fireplace

Previously in this series: Things I Will Not Say to Detective Columbo (Yes, yes, all right, if its only for a minute, come in, then) and Oh, Detective.I Hadn't Noticed You There.Please, Allow Me To Furtively Drop Something.Things I will not say to Hercule Poirot: Open in app or onlineThings I Might

Here is my best guess, without either watching the show or checking out the IMDB page, of what Yellowstone is like, based solely on previous knowledge of Kevin Costners whole deal and a few city-bus ads.Secondary sources include all the shows my grandmother Verna and my great-aunt Earline watched wh

HOW DETECTIVES FARED IN SKANIA IN THE TIME OF SIGFRED AND HALFDAN It was the the third year since restless men had rowed west with the sons of Ragnar Lodbrok to evaluate the riches of the kingdoms of Mercia and East Anglia.There many kings and great men paid them not to return, and so they profited

Ive been getting occasional updates on celebrity estate sales and silver auctions from 1st Dibs ever since I wrote about the Gore Vidal walnut desk this fall.While I didnt sign up for these updates, they are without question the highest-quality spam messages Ive ever received in my life.Having recen

Listen now (64 min) | Longtime readers will be only too familiar with my longstanding affection for the 2013 close-up magic movie Now You See Me (its got the heart of a heist movie and the brains of a heist movie trailer as described by a child), and my repeated threat to write a no-props adaptation